#MeToo

While the #MeToo movement started earlier, it was the revelations about Harvey Weinstein that truly set it alight. It is not my intent to provide a history of the #MeToo movement. Rather to provide a social commentary and to explore it through the platform of fiction. Please notice that I have differentiated it from any idea of Consent which, while related, is not the same thing.

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For me the differentiation is that consent comes down to a point when somebody has the opportunity to say yes or no (please see my fuller definition below to avoid any misunderstanding) and when "No" is ignored (in any form) then a situation can evolve to become a #MeToo situation. Conversely in a #MeToo situation the question is often never even asked.

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I came across a microstudy that’d been conducted by a colleague of mine and I can relate to this personally and would indeed say “#MeToo”.

 

Fifty females of varied ages were asked if they would say “#MeToo”. The microstudy focused only on those who were 18+, because while the study acknowledged that younger people are also targeted it wasn’t morally acceptable to ask people who are in fact still children (certainly in the legal sense). The study only wanted a clear yes or no answer with no divulging of details which would be both inappropriate and intrusive.

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I was shocked to discover the findings. Forty-nine of the respondents said “Yes - #MeToo” which is 98% of all of those who responded. Admittedly it is a microstudy and it carries little weight due to its size and simplicity. Nonetheless it is still a very powerful indicator. Even the one respondent who said “No” then qualified her answer (although she wasn’t required to). She explained that sometimes messing about is just that and nothing more and both sexes need to see it that way. A quick grab or grope is just fooling around and doesn’t hurt anybody, and to make a sexualised comment about a girl’s figure is no different to telling her she is beautiful.

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While I see the point she is making, I do like the conclusions that my  colleague drew; which could be summarised as, if you don’t know a girl leave her alone and if you approach her only in a socially acceptable way. If you do know her and you know that she finds certain behaviours unacceptable, don’t behave in such a way and finally if you are not sure then don’t do it. That by default leaves only the girl who fitted in the “No” category who can be approached in such a way (with a multitude of different "ways' implied), Even this is based on your knowing her and her character.. Please note she is in control of how she is approached - as are you when encountering others.

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The truth is that she was actually “#MeToo” too, in that she’d also been sexually objectified. What was different was that she had another perspective. This is absolutely her right, but such a broad rule can’t be applied to all. In fact she should be seen as an exception. What is unclear from her interaction with my colleague (who was constrained not to probe any deeper) was whether it was among friends or something involving strangers.  I rather suspect if it was a stranger she too would be saying #MeToo”

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One stark conclusion, while remembering that it was indeed a microstudy, was that while it may not be every man, it is almost every woman and that is a disgusting blotch on society as a whole.

 

The other conclusion that I liked, but it runs the risk of being a distraction, is that personal responsibility need to be taken by all. Not every man is a demon nor is every woman a saint and we should look inwardly at our own behaviours. In the concluding comments at the completion of the trilogy I make the distinction between taking personal responsibility and victim blaming. Taking personal responsibility is an internalising process, where a person asks what they could / should / would have done differently, or did they behave appropriately in the given situation. The first line of self-defence is avoidance, were necessary measures taken? Victim blaming on the other hand is about projecting responsibility onto another.

 

Nobody goes out to get raped or sexually assaulted.

 

To illustrate my point I will use an example to push it to an extreme. Was it wise for her to get drunk and out of control and then get into the car with three strangers? If she asks herself that question – whatever followed – it’s called regret, which comes from self-examination, but if somebody else tells her she was stupid and got what she was asking for that is victim blaming.

Of course, she should be free to do as she wants within legal constraints,and should have been safe even among strangers.

 

So, now we have come this far, I want to explain how I have woven it into my writing. Things will become more apparent in Book 3: The Journey Home. Up to this point though a lot of emphasis has been placed on personal responsibility. Throughout The Confession much of Ania’s behaviour was abhorrent and she used Elwira sexually and then allowed herself to be used later as she sought what she thought was just punishment for her sins.

 

One key point is how far can a girl push things and then still say no. The truth is whenever she wants. In The Journey Home, Ania pushes this to the absolute limit before trying to say “No” and finds herself in an impossible situation.

I don’t want to reveal too much, but this episode was created with the express purpose of a “morning after” conversation and it provided a suitable platform for a fully discussion on #MeToo. There were other reasons, but that is for you to find out when you read my book.

 

By reading my work I hope it will encourage the reader – be it male or female – to examine themselves and their own behaviours.